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Wedding Etiquette
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Date:2011-01-05 20:55
Subject:A Nonbinary dilemma

Hello, everyone! I've been engaged for about a year, and my fiancee and I's wedding date is somewhere in the ether. We're both working retail jobs right now, so we're playing the wedding timetable by ear. But that doesn't stop me from running ideas around in my head, no sirree! 8D

My fiancee and I are HS sweethearts, and I had a really close girlfriend too. The three of us were nigh inseparable, until she moved away after we both had graduated. We floated apart, she'd gotten married (I stood up for her in it, as much as my Catholic self could), and she'd taken quite a swan dive into her religion, Mormonism. And not the progressive kind. There's a lot we don't discuss because I don't want to go into the debate. But I'm about to have to.

In recent years, I've become very close to an individual I met through fandom and the internet. It's always been a good friend, and nearly as much of a partner in my life as my fiancee. As you can tell from my pronoun usage, it is neutrois. That is, having no particular gender affiliation. This has been a fairly recent coming out for it, (ngl, it did relieve my "Who to ask to be MoH?" dilemma) and I have decided to designate it as a Person of Honor (please suggest something more creative if you have any ideas).

The problem is this: I don't know how to navigate these two very different sides of this coin. D is female, conservative, and devout Mormon, and the other, A, is neutrois, atheist, and bisexual. I only see this ending in tears. How do I talk to D about the nontraditional choices in my wedding without it ending in chaos? I've already decided that if D can't abide it, she's welcome to attend, but she wouldn't be a part of it. A has been a bigger part of my adult life than she has been.

Apologies for the length, and thanks for any input you may have. Also, if you see this more than once around the net etiquette world, apologies. I'm looking for as much input as I can get.

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Date:2007-05-18 10:55

Hi, I was hoping some of you would take part in my poll.
I was wondering what importance you place on your engagment/wedding rings.
Do you forget to wear them from time to time? Is this wrong if you do?
Do you think it is necessary to wear them 24/7?

I would love any comments with your opinions on this issue.

Do you ever forget to wear your engagement/wedding ring?
Once or twice a week
Three or more times a week
I lost it already

Thank you! I look forward to hearing what you all think!

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Date:2007-02-19 18:58
Subject:Addressing Invites

I know many of us are getting ready to address invites, and on my Google search, I found this site:


It has a bunch of detailed information for addressing inner and outer envelopes for all kinds of different situations.


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Date:2006-10-04 15:27

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Date:2006-08-28 20:09

Hey guys!

I am new to this community, engaged, and have a women's podcast.

I did a piece on my whole wedding planning experience and thought some of you might get a kick out of it!

Check it out!



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Date:2006-07-02 10:37
Subject:I just want to avoid drama.

I've been out of college for awhile now. I'm trying to schedule my wedding (planning to follow), and to be honest, I'm not used to college drama and politics anymore even though I'm a teacher and a grad student. My general reaction to the endless drama of college was to get "snarky" as a friend put it, because by the end of my Masters degree I really really wanted to be left alone and not know about everybody else's problems and gossip anymore. Amazingly enough, where I live now, this isn't even an issue.

But, my best friend from high school and college who works pretty far away called me last week to let me know she's getting married. We're not great friends anymore, there are simply too many issues for us to be close. Cut for lengthCollapse )

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Date:2006-06-19 16:40
Subject:Wedding wear question...

If my fiance is in a wedding in October, and he's wearing a tux....what should I, as a commoner wear???

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Date:2006-06-16 14:20
Subject:open bars versus cash bars

What is the etiquette with regard to alcohol at weddings. I've heard from some people that having a cash bar is considered a terrible breach of etiquette and that it's considered better to have no alcohol than to charge guests money for their beverages. Is this true? Is it socially acceptable to provide wine with dinner and champagne for a toast and allow guests the option of purchasing additional alcohol from a cash bar if they want to drink more alcohol? Or do I need to have an open bar in order to avoid a huge breach of etiquette?

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Date:2006-06-12 09:49
Subject:second weddings?

so this is my latest question....

this is not our first marriage. We have both been married before. So, do we set up a gift registry or is it assumed that since people came to the first wedding and spent money on gifts and you left the marriage you don't get to go for a second round of gifts?

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Date:2006-06-07 09:46

so here's my question...

I know the groom buys the bride her ring however, does he also buy his own ring or is that the bride's duty?

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Date:2006-06-05 08:15
Subject:June Wedding to attend???
Mood: confused

I've been invited to a wedding this month. It is a church setting with colors of pink and purple at 4PM. Aide from being at a loss of what to wear, seeing as I already replied to attend...I am having second thoughts of even attending at all.

It will be 100 miles from home, in a town I never been to and I can't even bring a guest even though I am single (one wasn't mentioned in the invite). The only people I will know is the bride and the one bridesmaid. Aside from these issues, the bridesmaid was rather rude to me recently.
The bride told me she was shocked that this person was going. Well, when I talked to this person, it turns out she's the bridesmaid in the wedding. Then she started telling me what I could wear and what I should wear, but yet she and the bride to be avoided every question I had asked of them. I've read that it is perfectly fine to wear white to weddings as long as it is not something that could be a wedding dress.
I planned on wearing a cream suitjacket with a matching top and black slacks.

With all of these factors I'm not really sure that I should go as it seems like everything is wound up in webs of deception when they don't answer questions that I know they must know the answers to. What bride can't tell me what their colors are, who their attendants are, or even how long their wedding may last, or even where their reception immediately following the wedding is???

Length is key as I recently found out that I won't be able to drive myself there.
What do you think I should do?

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Date:2006-05-06 21:47
Mood: curious

Hi! I'm new here, and have a question.
I hate the idea of wearing a veil. It's not like we haven't met eachother before the wedding day! The idea of a veil reminds me of wearing a burka and tulle "cake topper" all in one. But my Fiancee is Jewish (I'm not...yet) and very much the classic romantic. He feels that a veil is a must have, and required for his family's traditions.
How can I get around wearing one, while not making him feel like I robbed him of the perfect image of his bride?
btw, I'm not really an angry person. this topic just gets me all frustrated.
please help!

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Date:2006-05-03 19:41

Ok so im going to a wedding in May... Im trying to decide what To wear.. as far as shirt/tie combo.... I have a black suit... Black shoes/belt...

Wedding colors are blue and white.. so I dont wanna wear something too flashy....

So this is what I was thinking:

This shirt:



This tie:



Some people have mentioned concern with it matching the wedding colors.. and that could be a problem?....

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Date:2006-03-06 12:43

Now, what I'm wondering. When getting married, should the wedding follow the bride's traditions or the groom's traditions?

Okay, here's the predicament. My girlfriend is Scottish, but has no real religious affiliation. I, on the other hand have no specific ethnic background (AKA mutt), but I am a devout Pagan.
We'd each want a traditional, but we're not sure whose traditions to follow.
Should we have a Scottish wedding with all the bagpipes and kilts, or would it be offensive for me to be in a Scottish wedding?
Or should we have a Pagan wedding with the year and day handfasting engagement and all?

Or would it be wrong to have the handfasting engagment ending in the Scottish wedding?

We are both really confused, and were wondering the etiquette of this all.

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Date:2006-02-16 11:34

We need your help!

My fiancé and I plan to be married in June, but we’re extremely short on cash and we need a bit of help. We’re asking for donations. For more information please visit our site…


Love & best wishes
Amie & Marc

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Date:2006-01-24 22:21
Subject:Invitation Etiquette

Although I grew up in Montana, and that's where my family and family friends are, our wedding is in Southern California where my fiance is from. That's a long haul for the Montana guests.

So we have a question about etiquette:

Is it proper to:

1) Invite only the people that we expect to make the trip so that the others - the one's we don't expect to fly down to Los Angeles - don't feel obligated or pressured to make a trip, and don't have to actively decline the invitation, or

2) Invite everyone you would otherwise invite - knowing that they won't come - so that no one feels like they were not invited for other reasons and thereby making decline the invitation?

Any advice for how to handle this? We don't want our invitees to be put in an uncomfortable situation of having to buy an expensive ticket, but on the other hand we don't want them wondering why they weren't invited. Thoughts?

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Date:2006-01-20 00:29
Subject:Question about the invites?

One of my cousins suggested that I put my deceased parents names on the invitations, so that the one side of my family will know who I am(we have a large family, basically this is my grandparents relatives). That side of the family will only recall my parents, apparently. Thing is, if I acknowledge my parents on the invites, we'd have to acknowledge my fiance's or it'd look funny. Well, he doesn't really have parents, as his father had nothing to do with him after his birth and his mother kicked him out at the age of 16. So, I don't want to acknowledge them, either. Basically, I was planning on having a moment of silence for all the deceased family members that are not able to be at the wedding, physically, that is. Then possibly a picture of my parents, at a table set for two, with some roses in a vase for them at the reception. Anyway, what do you think about including my late parents on the invite without my fiance's parents? So many people have passed on in my family that were the bridges that brought us all together in the past(ie: my grandparents and my mother), so I don't know.

edit: It would be worded as Christina, the daughter of the late Mr & Mrs, and Steve, would like to invite you to...


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Date:2006-01-15 22:29

Well weve been married 16 days now, I guess that means its my time to leave this community.

Thanks for all the support and ideas.

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Date:2006-01-08 11:20
Mood: cheerful

Hello there everyone. Just wanted to take a quick minute to introduce myself. My name is Kim and I'm getting married in Sept of 2007. I've been engaged since December of 2004. We started our guest list, reserved the hall and the church right away. Then things came to a hault. Well another cousin got engaged this past Thanksgiving and all this hype of wedding talk was brought up around this past Christmas. They are now getting married two weeks after us, They have photographers, Djs and church, reception and dresses already done. So needless to say I got my butt on the move these past couple of weeks. My Aunt is making all the flower arrangements and my Chest for the cards...Picked out Fall Colors (she is very creative) Got my dress and picked out a dress for the bridesmaids. Pricing DJs and photographers... I only know who one of my Bridesmaids are right now cause I'm waiting for my fiance to pick what the heck he is doing. But I do have one question. As we are starting to really concentrate on the guest list. Do you allow everyone to bring dates if they are not dating anyone currently. If you tell one person they can bring a date do you have to tell everyone they can bring a date. And what about Co-workers? I only wanted to have about 150 people, well my list is already at 190 and that is without dates. So I know they say not to expect everyone, but our family is very close and alot will show!! Nice meeting you all. Any tips would be great!!

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Date:2005-11-29 15:06
Mood: confused

Well, we've decided to tell my mom Saturday. Then we can tell the rest of the family. We're debating STDs & I really don't know everyone's address anyway. But at the same time, we have to announce the wedding somehow.

Is it even ok to announce it to someone & then not invite them? I know so many ppl I want to tell, but there's no way I can invite them all. Not realistically.

And when and how do I say where we're registered?

Oy. The wedding's in October and I'm already running into problems.


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